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March 30, 2001Why is it that when people don't want to see you, or spend time with you they can't just be honest and tell you that? They have to be oh-so-sensitive and not just tell you that they are not interested in you. Or that you are filler right now. I guess I am a low maintenance gal and because of that fact so many guys take it for granted that they don't have to do anything for me. Sure.. it is nice to get a call here and there, but what about the true romance stuff? Does that even exist anymore? Here is a good for example... So I am a Bar Wench (as I discussed before). I do a lot on my own and I am satisfied with the way that I have developed my life to it's current position. I don't necessarily need a man to complete me, I am one and whole on my own.... but accessories are always nice. Not that relationships are accessories but.. in a way they are kind of nice... So.. am I out of place to want a little bit more than I have been getting. I am low priority on everyone's list and sometimes that just really sucks. I feel like I am in high school again and all my friends are dancing with these cute guys and I am just sitting there by myself on a chair, waiting for some Molly-Ringwald-type ending to my night. I watched Bedazzeled tonight, it was very funny. But the moral of the story is that you can't wish your life to be the way you want, you have to make it be the way you want. I guess.. I should heed that and stop wishing because all I end up with is disappointment anyway. Yep that's me low priority girl. Maybe one day I will be a priority for someone. I am not going to wish it, I am just going to go about my life and let life happen. But just so you all remember.. Low Maintenance girls really wanna be wooed too. We want you all to drop us a little note to let us know you were thinking of us. We want you to call us just to say how you want to kiss our necks, and slide your hand up our thigh. We want you to leave your scent on our skin after making love to you, we want to feel desired, not just like a hole, mind body and soul. Simple things really. I wish I had a dating/boyfriend application to use so I could just go right down the check list with each person, find one that is charismatic, but not totally distracted, one that is sensitive, but not so lost in their own trauma that life goes on around them...ahh this laundry list would take days. But for now.. this girls signs off for the night disappointed in life.... But for now..... hart und ohne gnade March 29, 2001Fair Haired Maidens and Bar WenchesDriving to work this morning I came upon a realization. In this world there a 2 types of women, the fair haired maidens (also the damsels in distress) and the Bar Wenches. What am I? Need you ask. I am definitely a Bar Wench. Which by the way has nothing to do with whether I go to bars or not. Back in medieval times there were the Cinderella's, Sleeping Beauties, and Snow Whites. All 3 had handsome men come to their reuse. Most men seem to love that. Then there are the other women the ones that didn't need saving, the nannies, the fairy godmothers, and yes even the evil stepmothers. Same thing applies today. There are those women out there that everyone wants to do everything for. They may be confident, intelligent, beautiful, etc. but for whatever reason they exude that helplessness (if you will) that everyone jumps at, especially men. A woman can be perfectly capable of handling life, but they don't have to if they don't want to. The bar wenches of the world are the women that reek of "I can handle it myself". Men don't make a strong effort to please these women, to spoil them and help them with their problems, unless the guy is totally into being dominated. Often a guy will hold a door for a fair haired maiden only to let it slam in the face of her friend the bar wench. And the sick thing about it all, is that you can't even switch sides. If you are one type of woman and wish to be the other, you just can't switch sides at all. Men talk about how they are tired of pampering after their women. That they often have to invest a lot of time and money in spoiling women. But once they get a Bar Wench, who by the way likes to spoil all of those around her friends, boyfriends, and family, they totally forget about reciprocating. Like the Bar Wench doesn't want to be a little spoiled too? Maybe men just aren't strong enough for the Bar Wenches of the world. What do I want, a balance. A guy who doesn't want to be dominated by a strong woman. A guy who knows that there are times when even the strongest woman wants to be made to feel special, but at the same time appreciates it when is woman does the same for him. I want a guy who is sexually confident and able to read me as well as I read him. A guy who will be my superman and my teddy bear. Will I ever find him? Probably not, but a girl can dream. Really is it too much to ask to be treated like a lady? Is it too much to ask to be wooed after a little bit? Too much to consider that a Bar Wench has feelings too and it is not all about sex? Maybe.. I envy the fair haired maidens of the world. They are free to not have to think and analyze this stuff. They are free to let people come to their rescue if they don't feel like solving the problem on their own. Its sad really that us Bar Wenches just miss out on all that love and roses wooing stuff. Men don't usually just fall in love with us. They come to desire us out of default sometimes. I hate that. SR-71 has a great song out right now, it is called Right Now. There is a line in there that goes "Figured her out I know she may not be Miss Right but she'll do right now..." I don't want to be "Right Now", I want to be a Miss Right. I guess time will tell... I just can't be her, I have to be me.. Well my thoughts for the day...
March 23, 2001 Ever year around this time I sit back and think about what I have done in the past year. I try and figure out if I fulfilled my goals, set myself up to pass or fail, and more importantly did I grow as a person and do so happily. This past year was REAL tough as most of you know. I don't think anyone should have to go through a year like that. For any of you who happen to not be familiar with the trauma in my life for the past few months.. a small sample would be, little brother died, ex moved out and away so we were finally broken up, the holidays came, the dog died, my other brother came back into my life, my long lost first love, found someone else and didn't wait to see what we might be all about, school started back up, I got my first B since coming back to college (very traumatic).. and the list goes on and on. Most people should really only have one major change in their life a year... I got dumped on this year. My head is still spinning when I think about all those things that happen. Last summer was so great other than my relationship falling apart, it wasn't all that bad. My brother was here my friends, true friends, came from nowhere, and thank goodness for that because I don't know how I could have face Paul's death without them. If I even ever really face it at all. At least I know they are there and real. So now that I have bridged over into my 27th year.. these are the things I have been thinking about. And then there is the whole "being single" thing. Let me tell you.. that definitely has it's pluses, and a few distinct minuses. The plus is that it is nice to have the freedom to do what I want when I want. It is nice to decide at 3am go to for a cup of coffee. Or anything else for that matter. But sometimes it just six to go home and crawl into bed by myself. But I guess being alone and happy vs. being with someone and miserable is better. Besides.. ever since he left, my long lost libido is raring to go and that.. my friends is worth it. Well I must be signing off for now. I am sure I will be a little more insightful later but right now.. I am so tired you just don't even know.. |
